It is Wednesday. The middle of the week. Many of your favorite shows are probably over for the summer. The NFL is still in a lockout. Gas is still high. And the political landscape is still, well, the same as usual.
So to help everyone out I thought I might help the world by providing a laugh or two, even if it is at my own expense. So I hope you enjoy a story from this past week.
My Morning Run
On Monday morning, I awoke to unseasonably cold weather here in Cleveland, TN. Monday is a swim day for me. I dropped the kids off at school and headed to the local Y to do my morning swim. However, when I got to the gym I found that I was not the only one that wanted to swim that day. The pool had only two lanes open and about 6 guys sharing two lanes. This was not my idea of a good morning swim. So, although I hate running on a treadmill. I decided to run 3 miles before I got in a short swim. Hopefully by the time I was done the pool would be empty.
I put on my run gear, grabbed my IPOD, and headed for the treadmill. I felt good and rested so I decided to see how fast I could complete my 5k. I am not a running purist, but I don’t like running on one of those treadmills that has a TV right in front of me. I chose a treadmill without a TV in front of it and started on my warm-up. I warmed up, stopped long enough to strech a little bit, then off I went. I started at a slow jog, and every couple of minutes sped up the treadmill. I got up to about a 7:00 minute pace and was off and running. IPOD in, good music playing, and the sweat now starting to flow.
This is about the time I notice ESPN’s SportsCenter playing on the TV above me to my left. It was a TV mounted on the ceiling. This TV is positioned best for all those on the eliptical machines one row behind me. Not the best viewing for those actually on the treadmills. I looked up briefly to see them doing some story on soccer. I was intrigued so I looked up to get a closer look. The sound wasn’t on, but they did have closed-captioning I could read along with. I think the story was about some college kids whose after-a-goal antics had made them notorious. I am not too sure what it was. I didn’t have time to get the full story. The reason….well
As I was craning my neck up to look at the screen, running at a good clip, and grooving to my music, I failed to notice that I was drifting ever so slightly to the left. My feet were trying to move were my head was pointing them to. One second I was reading the closed-captioning on the TV screen the next moment I was being swept off the treadmill! What my TV watching and IPOD listening didn’t help me notice was that my feet were slowly moving off to the left. Eventually, my left foot was off the track and on to the side of the treadmill were you can stand without having to be moving on the track. This is a good addition to the treadmill if you aren’t already RUNNING! Following Newton’s first law of motion (an object in motion tends to stay in motion) my second foot however was still on the moving track moving at 9.5 mph. As my left foot came to a nice rest on the side, my right foot continued on the track until it eventually fell off the back of the treadmill.
Here I was, in the blink of an eye, my left foot resting on the side of the treadmill, my right foot flying off the back, my IPOD ear buds popped out of my ears and went flying, and my pride, well it crashed to the ground. I looked like I was trying to do some weird modified hamstring stretch. Although by the shear surprise on my face, I wasn’t going to fool the lady on the treadmill next to me or the guy two treadmills to my left or the ladies on the elliptical behind me. I was embarrassed. Wanting to quickly put this behind me. I jumped back on to the treadmill. Mentally I was ready to get going again and put this behind me, but my legs weren’t. They weren’t ready to get back up to pace and quickly my legs slid back off the treadmill. Okay, at this point there was no mistaking it. I’m an idiot. I took a quick breath. Gathered my thoughts and jumped back on the treadmill. This time my legs got back on pace. Now to get my pride back on the same pace. I wanted to start looking around smiling and laughing at the people that no doubt saw me. I wanted to say “Yeah, did you see me. I just tripped. Yeah that was funny, but I’m still cool right?” But I didn’t. I smiled, shook my head, and kept running. It did remind me of this video from one of Ellen Degeneres’ stand up routines. Check it out.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s self-deprecating story of humor.